Jones and Pickles

Arrr I’m off to Loot and Plunder

May all of your tricks be disease-free and all of your treats be sweet!

Love JnP!

Pickles pick for email clip-art of the week…

Has anyone ever seen the picture that pops up when FARK is down and crashed?

lol, mad props

Pickles is under a little bit of stress lately so this may sound a bit crazy. I am convinced that the squirrels are out to get me. I never really took much note of them, but lately I’ve noticed them watching my every move. They are getting closer and closer with each passing day.

After explaining this to a friend of the site, I was told to “put the bong down and get a job” - BUT - that was before a recent patio trashing that PROVES MY FUCKING POINT!!! I wish I had photographic evidence of the squirrel-related patio trashing, but Pickles did not have his camera with him at the time. However, if you wonder why they are so evil, consider the following…

1. They do intensive surveillance work prior to any strike

2. Their “social games” are nothing more than evil planning sessions

3. They do not tolerate treason within the ranks

4. They are not afraid of anything

5. They are well-armed

6. They will fucking kill you without warning

If I go missing, follow the tiny footprints. Don’t say you weren’t warned!

P-

Pickles Press (Orlando, FL), Monday, October 27, 2008

Due to a recent corporate restructuring within the Pickles household, Mr. Pickles has been downsized from the family business. 

While Pickles was informed on his pink slip that the potential of being rehired exists if the economic and political situation should change in the future, he is currently in need of a job (as blogging only pays so much - click the fucking links people!!!)

The following is a complete chronological listing of all of the jobs that Pickles has had in his life.

• Fishing Worm Stand (If you are not from the north, you have no idea how cool this is)
  
• Paperboy
  
• Car Washer
  
• Working a Flea Market booth for uncle (Learned how to hustle from him)
  
• Dish boy/floor cleaner at a pizzeria for cousin’s future husband (they were just dating at the time)
  
• Bag Boy for Publix Supermarket (shittiest $3.05/hour job fucking ever!!!)
  
• Pizza man at the same pizzeria that cousin sold to two new owners
  
• Manager at same pizzeria (only 17 up to now - hang in there - this list is huge)
  
• Maintenance Man at local 500 acre property
  
• Irrigation Technician (think sprinkler systems)
  
• Assistant Manager at Pizzeria in Local Mall (job sucked but they didn’t inventory their beer - idiots!)
  
• Accounts Payable clerk at industrial supply company
  
• Assistant Purchasing Agent at industrial supply company
  
• Stock Broker (no shit - youngest person ever to pass the Series 7 in Florida)
  
• Short Order Cook at Italian Restaurant
  
• Pizza Man at new residence in Orlando (UCF area - graduated college in spare time)
  
• Intern at Fortune 500 company
  
• Business Development Officer for South Florida Savings & Loan
  
• Pizza Man at night because banks pay shit
  
• Associate Transportation Administrator back in Orlando
  
• Transportation Administrator
  
• Senior Transportation Administrator (Rocking the title now!)
  
• Project Logistics Manager (South American business rocks)
  
• Self-Employed International Freight Broker
  
• Pizza Man again (just fucking sad I know)
  
• Website Designer / Database Developer
  
• Contract Employee - Project Expediting
  
• Project Business Manager (think China - been there - done that)
  
• Planning Manager (Blue Pallets fucking suck and so do the asshats that own them - FUCK YOU ALL!!!)
  
• Chair Bitch (If you don’t get it - it wasn’t meant for you)
  
• Database Consultant
  
• Still Chair Bitch
  
• Day Trader (yeah - that ended well)
  
• Chair Bitch Again
  
• Restaurant Prep & Cook (again with the sad)
  
• Chair Bitch Yet Again (But this time with tables too!)
  
• Blogger

Soooooo…if anyone has work available that matches anything on this list, please let me know! I work for any of the following:

• Cash
  
• Travelers Checks
  
• Wine & Food
  
• Kudos & Back Pats
  
• The Promise of Future Wealth (W.I.A.B. Jones - Let’s do this shit!)

Pickles is now going back to his scotch. If any of you need me, I will be at the bottom of the bottle. Peace!

P-

Greetings from Fantasy Fest… more to come… P.S. please forward new liver, thank you

Listen up people! We have a global economic crisis going on and not enough people are taking note. Did you know in the past week, the country of Iceland went bankrupt? Did you even know countries could do that? THE WHOLE FUCKING COUNTRY!!! Those poor bastards are going to have their sheep repossessed! And winter is coming for those lonely farmers! Baaa….

So I was cruising the net today thinking of why people are not taking this shit seriously and then it dawned on me when I’ve saw this photo. OK - I added the comments, but you get the idea…

Until whatever the fuck-of-a-lack-of-economic-input that is going on in that photo ceases to exist, we are all fucked. God damned Europeans…

We need to get this world back on track people! Who’s with me? How about you Iceland? Can I be your King? I’m no sheep-herding expert but let’s just say I will not be invited back to the petting zoo any time soon if you know what I mean…

Seventeen years ago, Ken Imhoff watched Cannonball Run and became so enamored with the Lamborghini Countach in the film, he hand-built his own, in his basement. In what we imagine might be the most Jalopnik build ever undertaken, Ken designed and fabricated his own tig-welded frame, installed a thoroughly massaged 351 cubic inch V8 with a ZF-25 5-speed transmission, hand-formed the aluminum body over a meticulously measured and accurate body form, and finished it all off in a beautiful metallic gray. It took Ken 10 years to complete the project, and the results — as you can see both in the gallery and in the video below the jump — are amazing. There’s only one problem, when you build a car in a basement — how do you get it out? Find out HERE.