Jones and Pickles

I’m an open minded guy… but once you start putting live eels up your anus you’ve crossed a line, I think.

wtf

More proof Ellis was right and Monkeys will soon be taking over… think of this as our Monkey News, reddragons all

Sheriff’s deputies were informed of the unlawful acts by someone who saw a text message photograph, Amormino said. The boy was between 14 and 17 years old.

Jacoby, who lives in San Juan Capistrano, was jailed in lieu of $100,000 bail, Amormino said. Investigators believe there may have been other victims, he said.

Sheriff’s officials arrested Jacoby because she abused a “position of trust,” Amormino said. “Even though the age gap may be fairly close, it’s still illegal and we will arrest,” he said.

God DAMMIT, I used to be in school, I used to have a female trainer in sports, but guess what, I NEVER GOT A FUCKING BLOWJOB FROM HER and worst of all SHE DIDN’T LOOK LIKE THIS!

I mean really, I’m not even going to get into the whole “Who the hell turned her in” thing but really, do we have to convict this girl?  can’t we just put her in a house with Casey Anthony and have some sort of Hot Chick House on Fox Thursdays at 8pm?

Hope Jacoby MySpace page

From her MySpace:

About me:
Let’s see. there’s a lot to tell…maybe. My names Hope

~I love goin out. Im a huge fan of the hug. I hug all my friends, and think its an important way to say hi and bye. If I dont hug you, I probably dont like you. Either that or you make me totally nervous, so I wont do it. And it doesnt necessarily mean its a good nervous either.

~I try to be a positive person…and surround myself with positive people. I believe in karma, however i also think that no matter how good of a person you are, bad things are gonna happen to you. To me, bad things happen to make you a stronger person and you’re meant to learn from them.

~I have a lot of random thoughts. I don’t express em very often tho, cuz they can be far fetched, but as long as i know what i mean, who cares right?

~I’m not really a jealous person, except once in awhile i seem to get super jealous over something stupid. im weird that way. All it takes is a little talking to and i get over it.

~It takes a whole lot for me to get mad, but doesnt take much at all for me to get over it. If it’s something small, and im mad, just let me get over it and i won’t ever bring it up again. Sometimes that gives people the idea to walk all over me and i sometimes let it happen. I need to work on changing that.

~I have strong opinions, but if you show me how your way is better i might just change my mind.

~Sometimes i chill with people even if i don’t like them. I dont pretend to like them, but i don’t show i don’t like them either. That doesn’t make me fake, that makes me courteous. If i don’t like you, then im sure it’s for a good reason.

~Most girls talk too much. I’m one of them. But i don’t want friends who do. Therefore girls who are my friend are special. And not like most girls. I like hanging out with guys cuz they’re a lot easier to talk to. They don’t like drama, and neither do i.

~I may come off as full of myself, but i promise it’s a front. I don’t have the highest self-esteem, but i don’t think i’m a bad person either. It’s a weird position to be in. Wow this is long. stop reading.

FUCK THIS JONES WANTS A BLOWJOB, LG where are you….

Jones reacts to Hope’s levels of hottness (btw is you are currently as hot as Hope, feel free to contact Jones at his email jones@jonesandpickles.com and fill out the application.)

And yes for those of you who can’t figure it out, click on them

A poem for the New Year…As always, if it means nothing to you - fuck off!

Never regret Love’s sorrow and pain
For Love given freely is never in vain

If you’ve never experienced Love’s life-altering cost
You’ll never appreciate Love’s life-altering loss

When two hearts that were one are broken in half
There’s much less of a summation after the fact

The dawn seems too dim when loves comes to an end
But two who loved as one should always be friends

Respect is the key to finding love anew
There’s nothing gained in being hurtful, petty, and cruel

When the debts are high and the assets are few
You should work through the nonsense as two friends should do

Whenever I feel lost and defeated as a man
I trust in a higher Power, for He has a plan

The drink and the nightlife comfort me a bit
But in the end, I know, it doesn’t mean shit

Despite my outward persona I pray to above
and thank the Good Lord for my friends, family, and love

And to my new Love I promise this shall pass
I swear that I’ll learn from the experience of what’s past

Wow, I just wrote that and it sounds so gay
But just like Carlito said, “Sometimes it be’s that way…”

Chewbacca

Who likes to party? JONES LIKES TO PARTY, hey it’s tuesday, you have to get up at 7am… fuck it

Speaking of retarded, let me tell you how much I hate driving in Orlando… nobody can drive… nobody, I hate it.  Especially Canadians… what the hell?

I do not, under any circumstance, ever again want to hear the following phrase…

“I love your site, but the photos and pictures are, like, sometimes hard to read”.

CLICK ON THEM YOU FUCKING WINDOW LICKER!!! They get big and shit…

We are finished with you stupid fucks…Jones and Pickles will not waste our brilliance on ignorance!

Imagine this…

Mr. Pickles is going about his daily business and is suddenly sidetracked by an unexpected necessary task. Yeah - surprising, I know…

On the way back to the place with the thing with the necessary item Pickles sees something that defies logic…

HOLY SHIT THIS IS THE FUNNIEST THING I’VE SEEN IN A WEEK - WHERE THE FUCK IS MY CAMERA PHONE??? Are you kidding me? This douchebag has no idea that I’m taking a picture of him?

Now before you see the photo (for those of you that still have a 14 inch monitor and have to scroll down - seriously - a fucking 21″ is like $89 - buck up already) - wait - where was I - oh yeah - fail photo…

I know it’s a shitty photo but it’s the best I could do at 40mph. For those of you who were not in the Longwood Florida area today, let me explain. This fine specimen of a man was advertising for L.A. Fitness.

Despite his 1920’s-era sandwich board wares, this poor bastard didn’t realize that perhaps the best way to entice members to join a health & work-out club is to try something other than LOOKING LIKE A FUCKING POTHEAD STANDING IN FRONT OF A FUCKING LIQUOR STORE!!!

I am so done with society! WHY THE FUCK AM I NOT A FUCKING BILLIONAIRE YET???