Jones and Pickles

Chewbacca

I do not, under any circumstance, ever again want to hear the following phrase…

“I love your site, but the photos and pictures are, like, sometimes hard to read”.

CLICK ON THEM YOU FUCKING WINDOW LICKER!!! They get big and shit…

We are finished with you stupid fucks…Jones and Pickles will not waste our brilliance on ignorance!

Short and sweet…

Not sure why, but this song from early this year still makes me go all ghetto as fuck…

Pickles needs help…

So Pickles is getting ready today and while picking out his clothing notices a stolen spoil from his Hard Rock Tampa trip. Upon inspecting the label, he reads “Gentle Touch Exfoliating Sponge”. Well, that sounds pleasant he thinks to himself. Wonder how it works?

Sponge and Pickles enter the shower together and Pickles thinks to himself, this should be nice - I haven’t exfoliated in about - wait - I don’t think that’s ever happened! So he applies a generous helping of Old Spice Man Wash to his new sponge and sets out to give the jumblies a good scubbin’…

HOLY FUCKING BALL-SCRAPING-FURY-OF-HELL-EVIL-SPONGE!!!

WTF is wrong with you women? Does this shit make you feel good?!?!? I’d have rather gone to Home Depot in my boxers, purchased a package of 40-Grit sandpaper (the rough shit), and went to town in the parking lot. For fuck’s sake - I’m done with modern grooming. It’s back to body hair, Ivory soap, and a washcloth for Pickles from here on out…

See you at the after party!

You were a cool-ass dude. Thanks for the laughs!

And found two shows that are great to put on the tivo list to watch at your leasure:

Speeders on truTV.com

Get behind the wheel and go coast-to-coast with America’s Finest, as they pull over unsuspecting speeders in a high-octane show that captures real-life motorists at their worst and most-embarrassed. Chases, outrageous excuses, unbelievable confessions and unprovoked outbursts — all caught on tape! It’s an exciting and dramatic half hour series that’s totally outrageous and often funny ’cause it’s all 100% real. TV-14 D, L

next…

Rehab - Sundays at the Vegas Hard Rock Pool

Douchebags partying at the Hard Rock in Vegas for one of the biggest parties on the strip, just to watch the TNA and funny shit drunk people do is priceless

Not mine, but funny…

Rock, Paper, Scissors
I understand that Scissors can beat Paper and I get how Rock can beat Scissors, but there’s no fucking way Paper could beat Rock. Apparently, Paper is supposed to magically “wrap around” Rock, leaving it immobile. Why the hell can’t Paper do this to Scissors?

For that matter, never mind Scissors, why can’t Paper do this to people? Why aren’t sheets of college-ruled notebook paper constantly smothering students as they attempt to take notes in class? I’ll tell you why: because Paper can’t beat anybody. A rock would tear that shit up in about a minute.

Whenever I play Rock/Paper/Scissors, I always choose Rock. When somebody claims to have beaten me with their Paper, I punch them in the face with my already-clenched fist. I’ll say, “Oh, shit, man, I’m sorry, I thought Paper would protect you - you fucking asshole!!!

Pickles is a man that owns his decisions and his calls. He fucked this one up. He admits it. Congrats to Thor, Galaxie, Saliormoon, Schlappy, and the rest of his democrat friends. You win!

While I disagree with Obama’s tax policy as I find it a bit contradictory to have a system that values hard work and education just to take away your hard fought gains to redistribute your wealth to the lazy segments of society, I have to hand it to him. His charisma won out.

And you know what? I’m not even that upset about it. I voted for McCain/Palin, but the American people have spoken. This actually gives me hope for the future of our country as we are apparently not as redneck as I once thought.

For my African-American friends - it’s about damned time this country showed some fucking respect. You have suffered through centuries of shit at the hands of white America and to now know that a black man is about to be inaugurated as President of the United States has to be a victory the likes of which my white ass couldn’t possibly appreciate.

Can we finally come together as a nation and fix this shit-hole of a country that we’ve watched develop over the last 30 years? My republican self is willing to try - how about you?

P-

PS - Fuck you W!

I so want to dig up Reagan, reanimate him, and stage a cage match in which he eats your fucking soul…this shit is on you…