Jones and Pickles

I will be sporting one maybe two of these in the upcoming onslaught.  I know many of you will not survive this attack I will however defend as many of you as I can until I can battle my way to the Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Tampa, FL.

Ok so I’m physically into our beloved Central Florida Casey Anthony.. she is fucking hot get over it, twisted but hot (btw, Casey Anthony is going to be found innocent and set free - mark my words, this court case when it comes is going to be a huge clusterfuck and it’s going to get dismissed or some shit)

Anyways Happy Teacher Appreciation Week, so here’s some other law breakers I’d love to do (only this time I’m too old)

McElhenney is a former Spanish teacher and was a cross-country coach at Hebron High School in Carrollton, Texas. She is also a Miss Texas contestant.

Her Crime: At age 25, McElhenney was charged with having sex with an 18-year-old student on numerous occasions at her apartment (Texas law prohibits sexual relationships between educators and students even if the sex is consensual and the student is of legal age).

Verdict: No verdict has been made yet.

See all 25 HERE

and I find this today…

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Ar9C5EUHrrTqijeB8f6jRQ8jzKIX;_ylv=3?qid=20080410145935AAOPzYs

Mr. Pickles -or- “Eric” (nice try pickles) launches a brillant scheme coming on the heels of a Texas trip.

This was you wasn’t it Pickles!

Looking back at the current world state of affairs I’ve decided the only thing left to do is prepare for war. Humans are now untrustworthy so I have recruited a campaign of officers to help me defend the homeland (currently consisting of the backyard)

I introduce you to the Division

Hey Sup

Hey everyone.. well let’s see… SIRI is back on the raise after J& P bail out of it’s universe, I feel like we should say you’re welcome or something.

Happy St. Pattys Day, even though it equals amateur hour at most places, true drinkers refer to this day as Tuesday.

J&P headquarters is very busy in devolopment of worldwide success, even though Jones loses out to pussy when it comes to elegance.

I have an idea… and very little time.  It involves epoxy, a dildo and cardio awareness…

Hey Fat Ass!

Are you over 350lbs? EAT FOR FREE! ALL THE TIME!

Visit the HeartAttackGrill today Plumpie

so….

Huge gamma-ray blast spotted 12.2 billon light-years from earth

WASHINGTON (AFP) – The US space agency’s Fermi telescope has detected a massive explosion in space which scientists say is the biggest gamma-ray burst ever detected, a report published Thursday in Science Express said.

The spectacular blast, which occurred in September in the Carina constellation, produced energies ranging from 3,000 to more than five billion times that of visible light, astrophysicists said.

“If you think about it in terms of energy, X-rays are more energetic because they penetrate matter. These things don’t stop for anything — they just bore through and that’s why we can see them from enormous distances,” Reddy said.

A team led by Jochen Greiner of Germany’s Max Planck Institute for Extraterrestrial Physics determined that the huge gamma-ray burst occurred 12.2 billion light years away.

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BLAH BLAH BLAH

Here’s the problem…

Speed of light is fucking fast, you figure a partical of light traveling between New York and LA can shoot back and forth between the two cities around 72 times in one second… just to give you an idea how fast it is.

now

Light from the Sun takes 8 minutes to reach us here at Earth, so if the sun just completely died, we’d all have 8 minutes to live it up and poof.

so

This event happened over 12 BILLION light years away, we’re just seeing it now so thats….. wait for it…. 12 Billion years ago this happened.

introduce hard science

The Earth is scientically proven to be though age dating just under 5 billion years old (4.54 to be exact) even though ‘believers’ say 6,000 years old, which I’m sorry is beyond false, let’s say either is the case though for the sake of discussion.

conclusion

The blazingly apparent fact of this event happened LOOOONG before the earth was ever around from either the science or biblical point of view and the est. 7 billion year difference is a hell of a lot longer then a heavens and earth 7 days.

don’t get me started on dinosaurs

The Secret
by Rhonda Byrne
Edition: Hardcover
Price: $14.37
Availability: In Stock

309 used & new from $7.87

3,776 of 3,821 people found the following review helpful:

5.0 out of 5 stars The Secret saved my life!, December 4, 2007

Please allow me to share with you how “The Secret” changed my life and in a very real and substantive way allowed me to overcome a severe crisis in my personal life. It is well known that the premise of “The Secret” is the science of attracting the things in life that you desire and need and in removing from your life those things that you don’t want. Before finding this book, I knew nothing of these principles, the process of positive visualization, and had actually engaged in reckless behaviors to the point of endangering my own life and wellbeing.

At age 36, I found myself in a medium security prison serving 3-5 years for destruction of government property and public intoxication. This was stiff punishment for drunkenly defecating in a mailbox but as the judge pointed out, this was my third conviction for the exact same crime. I obviously had an alcohol problem and a deep and intense disrespect for the postal system, but even more importantly I was ignoring the very fabric of our metaphysical reality and inviting destructive influences into my life.

My fourth day in prison was the first day that I was allowed in general population and while in the recreation yard I was approached by a prisoner named Marcus who calmly informed me that as a new prisoner I had been purchased by him for three packs of Winston cigarettes and 8 ounces of Pruno (prison wine). Marcus elaborated further that I could expect to be raped by him on a daily basis and that I had pretty eyes.

Needless to say, I was deeply shocked that my life had sunk to this level. Although I’ve never been homophobic I was discovering that I was very rape phobic and dismayed by my overall personal street value of roughly $15. I returned to my cell and sat very quietly, searching myself for answers on how I could improve my life and distance myself from harmful outside influences. At that point, in what I consider to be a miraculous moment, my cell mate Jim Norton informed me that he knew about the Marcus situation and that he had something that could solve my problems. He handed me a copy of “The Secret”. Normally I wouldn’t have turned to a self help book to resolve such a severe and immediate threat but I literally didn’t have any other available alternatives. I immediately opened the book and began to read.

The first few chapters deal with the essence of something called the “Law of Attraction” in which a primal universal force is available to us and can be harnessed for the betterment of our lives. The theoretical nature of the first few chapters wasn’t exactly putting me at peace. In fact, I had never meditated and had great difficulty with closing out the chaotic noises of the prison and visualizing the positive changes that I so dearly needed. It was when I reached Chapter 6 “The Secret to Relationships” that I realized how this book could help me distance myself from Marcus and his negative intentions. Starting with chapter six there was a cavity carved into the book and in that cavity was a prison shiv. This particular shiv was a toothbrush with a handle that had been repeatedly melted and ground into a razor sharp point.

The next day in the exercise yard I carried “The Secret” with me and when Marcus approached me I opened the book and stabbed him in the neck. The next eight weeks in solitary confinement provided ample time to practice positive visualization and the 16 hours per day of absolute darkness made visualization about the only thing that I actually could do. I’m not sure that everybody’s life will be changed in such a dramatic way by this book but I’m very thankful to have found it and will continue to recommend it heartily.

Jan. 10th

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Jones: To all you people who have read the secret… How’s the working out for you? Here’s an idea, stop being a fucking idiot and figure out what you want and work for it and just make it happen.

Maybe it’s the beer, maybe it’s the fresh air, but something magical happens when Mr. Pickles takes to the course in a brilliant ariel display of the finest game ever to be played.

Nicklaus, Snead, Norman, Woods, Pickles…

Who likes to party? JONES LIKES TO PARTY, hey it’s tuesday, you have to get up at 7am… fuck it